Psychologists have long noticed that people suffering from personality disorders attract each other. It is interesting that usually in such pairs partners suffer from disorders of the “opposite” type, as if supplementing each other. About why this is happening, says psychotherapist Tarra Bates-Durifors.
Sometimes in the pairs that I am going to tell about, one of the partners suffers from a real personality disorder, and the second only pronounced opposite personality traits.
What features are we talking about? People with a borderline personality disorder often establish relationships with those who are characterized by narcissistic features (or even a narcissistic personality disorder). Here are the typical signs of these disorders.
People with a borderline personality disorder are distinguished:
- Desperate attempts not to be abandoned (regardless of whether there is really such a threat).
- Unstable relationships (love, family, friendly), constant switching between intimacy and love (idealization) and bitterness and hatred (depreciation).
- Distorted idea of yourself.
- A tendency to impulsive, risky, rash acts.
- Regular suicide attempts, threats to commit suicide, harm to yourself.
- Constant mood changes: the emotional state can change sharply every few days
or even every few hours.
- Constant sensation of the inner emptiness.
- Inadequate outbreaks of anger, inability to control your anger.
- Paranoid thoughts as a reaction to stress.
- Pronounced dissociative symptoms: a feeling of alienation from himself (as if a person observes himself from the side), loss of contact with reality.
People with a narcissistic personality disorder are distinguished by:
- Overstated conceit (“everything is allowed to me”).
- A tendency to manipulate others to satisfy their desires and needs.
- The expectation that others recognize their superiority, even if it is not supported by any real achievements.
- The tendency to exaggerate their talents and achievements.
- Extreme arrogance.
- Obsessive fantasies about success, power, genius, beauty, ideal partner.
- The idea of their own exclusivity and the willingness to communicate on equal terms with other “exceptional” people.
- The need for constant admiration.
- The requirement of a special attitude towards oneself and the fulfillment of all wishes.
- Inability to see and respect the needs of other people.
- Envy of others and the confidence that others are jealous of them.
Initially, in such a relationship, partners give each other what each of them needs, as if supplementing each other. However, quite quickly incompatibility and the unhealthy atmosphere begins to destroy the couple.
Partners make unrealistic demands on each other, refuse to recognize their disorders and are not ready to change something to maintain relations. Plus, partners often provoke each other’s exacerbation of hidden internal problems. For example, suffering from a borderline disorder often behave obsessively and require constant attention, while daffodils avoid emotional proximity with them.
What can partners do in such pairs to try to maintain relationships and make them more harmonious? Here are a few recommendations.
People with narcissistic personality traits cost:
- Sort it out, determine what provokes inadequate reactions.
- Abandon alcohol and psychotropic substances or to reduce their use as much as possible.
- Try to restrain yourself and not give in to impulsive aspirations. Refrain from betrayal, aggressive protective reactions.
- Be more open to a partner and not be afraid of insecurity.
People suffering from a borderline personality disorder need:
- To understand yourself and feelings associated with fear of being abandoned.
- Try to maintain a healthy distance with a partner and not to strangle him with excessive obsession.
Maintaining a relationship is not easy, even if no one in a couple suffers from personality disorders. The presence of mental problems in mental problems even more complicates the relationship. The probability of maintaining a relationship above when a partner or partners suffering from personality disorders are ready to recognize the existence of problems (both personal and relating to both) and work on their solution.
It is important that both partners sincerely want to change their behavior, otherwise the problems will remain, even if they find new companions for themselves. Psychotherapy and psychological consultations can help them not only solve the current problems, but also develop the necessary skills and skills to solve the problems that may arise in the future.